i just had sex bonerless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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