Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
