1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
