I think I died a long time ago.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
