yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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