I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
