I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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