God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
