My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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