i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
