..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
