Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
