My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
