BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
