I accidentally had phone sex last night
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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