they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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