now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize