I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sext me about skeletons
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize