david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
