I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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