If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
