please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
