apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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