I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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