Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
