does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
