Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize