My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
