They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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