I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
