Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize