I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
