The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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