I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
