I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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