Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
