P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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