are you so shy because you have an std?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
