Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
