I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize