hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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