That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize