she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
