Me too!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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