PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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