there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
