It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
