if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
