So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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