I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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