I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize