We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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