My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
