oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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