I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
