Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Send help, water and tortillas.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
