i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize