I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
