Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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