Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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