Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
