saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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