around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
