he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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