woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
