I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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