Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I didn't notice because vodka
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
