one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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