just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
