he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
