im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
