i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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