Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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