Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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