I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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