you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
