If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
