My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
